Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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