when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
