I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
