Can Purell be used as lube?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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