No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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