So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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