Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
