You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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