hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
