5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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