fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
