the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
