Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
