sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I still have a little drunk in my system
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
