my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
