Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
