Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize