mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
