Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I forget how to act sober
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
