textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
