Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
