Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
