i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
