The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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