well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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