My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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