dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
