Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
