Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
