there's paper in my vomit.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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