I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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