Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
