Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
