my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize