We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
