It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
