Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
