I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
