I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
