You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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