She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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