if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize