On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize