R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize