I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize