i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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