wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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