I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
