Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
