Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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