he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
