I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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