Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
