Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
