Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize