you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
