I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
