My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
