I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
