I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize