Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My life is pants optional.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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