you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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