So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I want is dick and wine.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
