I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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