he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
