VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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