I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
True strength comes from lack of pants
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
