Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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