quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
