Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
